What is this feeling

So sudden and new?...
I don't understand my feelings right now. I've been really stressed these past few days because of all the homework I have to do. I should be doing it right now, but I seriously can't concentrate. I have been so bla this week. Monday was Nick's birthday, so I called to wish him a happy birthday, didn't answer so I left a message. I then saw that someone had posted happy birthday on his facebook wall, and her name was Jenna, (yes I was creeping. Yes I know, I'm an idiot.) I decided it'd be funny to have two Jenna's post right after each other, so I wished him a happy birthday on FB as well. I put something about it being his 21st and don't drink to much haha! I know he wouldn't, so I was hoping he'd get that I was joking, but yesterday I noticed he'd deleted me as his friend. How immature! If it was about the posting about drinking thing he could have just deleted it and said something to me or posted a comment saying what he really was going to do (unless he was going to get trashed, which I doubt), he didn't have to delete me! Why do I care? No idea other than I hoped we could still be friends and I had this foolish idea that he may be checking up on my on FB like I was him, because we were still to awkward to talk to each other. Apparently I'm an idiot and need to stop kidding myself. He does have every right to hate me though. I mean he had no idea I was going to break up with him until I did it, and since he doesn't feel the same way about religion as I do he probably feels like I'm the biggest pain ever. (I gave up swearing for lent.) We were together for almost 4 years. He probably thinks that I'm a, (fill in dirty word of your choice here), for not realizing this before and ending it sooner, and believe me I think that about myself anyway! I don't know... I just thought it was dumb that he de-friended me sara and mike but none of the other friends he has on there because of me. I kinda feel like, (for most people) deleting people from FB is like deleting them from your little world, because you don't get updates anymore on how they are doing, and that's the point of facebook isn't it? I realize I'm probably over-reacting, but when I haven't talked to him in over two months... I just want to know he's ok! Not that he updated his statuses much anyway, but when he did. Ok, I'M going to stop being a pathetic sap now and post this. I promise I'm not dependent on a guy, but we were together for 3 years... Aaaarrrrg! Shutting up NOW!

Second day of field experience

(written on Tuesday)
Ok, so today I came in just as my teacher was heading to lunch, and again, I forgot mine, so I talked to her while she ate and she said she wished I could come in the mornings because in the afternoon she has 2 resource periods and then works in the classroom with the lady who is alergic to dogs. (Although she kept saying "guy," I'm confused), I now go to Mrs. Mead's room and sit in on her math class for the last period instead of going to the science class. friend D, the kid that got a demarit last week, got one again this week, but it was the classroom teacher that gave it to him because he, again, wasn't behaving and doing his work. I helped a couple people in the eighth grade resource, and tried to help a few in 7th. I don't feel like I'm going to get much out of this experience, but I'll try...

ConFusion

(for screen readers, that title is "confusion" with the C and F capatilized... you'll get it later)

ok... So do you ever have something that you loved to do, but then you were required to do it for some reason, and then you didn't want to do it as much anymore?
Well, that's what's happening to me, and I feel horrible, because its bible study! I've been going to this non-denominational church on campus since last semester off and on. Its really cool! We have cermons that relate to college life and issues we're having as college students believing in Christ and all that, and the songs rock! Guitars make everything more fun! lol
Anyways... back on topic... We have bible studies every thursday night called "Fusion" groups. I didn't go every thursday last semester, but it was always fun when I did, and I loved it. I joined this other related church group called "The Well." It helps us better relate to Christ and really realize what exactly being a Christian means, and how we can act out faith... at least that's what I've got so far lol. We are required to do sertain things for the well, and one of these is to go to Fusion on Thursdays. I don't think they'd do anything if we didn't, but they want us too. Now I feel like I have to go, because of the Well, and I don't know if I'm going because I want to go or I feel obligated to go. Tonight I wanted to just hang out and read peoples blogs lol, but I went, and enjoyed it. We sang some songs that I'll link to if I can figure out how, and if anybody's interested.
I just hate feeling obligated to do something I would do anyway, because I feel like I may be doing it for the wrong reasons... does this even make sense?