Wednesday, March 16, 2011

What is this feeling

So sudden and new?...
I don't understand my feelings right now. I've been really stressed these past few days because of all the homework I have to do. I should be doing it right now, but I seriously can't concentrate. I have been so bla this week. Monday was Nick's birthday, so I called to wish him a happy birthday, didn't answer so I left a message. I then saw that someone had posted happy birthday on his facebook wall, and her name was Jenna, (yes I was creeping. Yes I know, I'm an idiot.) I decided it'd be funny to have two Jenna's post right after each other, so I wished him a happy birthday on FB as well. I put something about it being his 21st and don't drink to much haha! I know he wouldn't, so I was hoping he'd get that I was joking, but yesterday I noticed he'd deleted me as his friend. How immature! If it was about the posting about drinking thing he could have just deleted it and said something to me or posted a comment saying what he really was going to do (unless he was going to get trashed, which I doubt), he didn't have to delete me! Why do I care? No idea other than I hoped we could still be friends and I had this foolish idea that he may be checking up on my on FB like I was him, because we were still to awkward to talk to each other. Apparently I'm an idiot and need to stop kidding myself. He does have every right to hate me though. I mean he had no idea I was going to break up with him until I did it, and since he doesn't feel the same way about religion as I do he probably feels like I'm the biggest pain ever. (I gave up swearing for lent.) We were together for almost 4 years. He probably thinks that I'm a, (fill in dirty word of your choice here), for not realizing this before and ending it sooner, and believe me I think that about myself anyway! I don't know... I just thought it was dumb that he de-friended me sara and mike but none of the other friends he has on there because of me. I kinda feel like, (for most people) deleting people from FB is like deleting them from your little world, because you don't get updates anymore on how they are doing, and that's the point of facebook isn't it? I realize I'm probably over-reacting, but when I haven't talked to him in over two months... I just want to know he's ok! Not that he updated his statuses much anyway, but when he did. Ok, I'M going to stop being a pathetic sap now and post this. I promise I'm not dependent on a guy, but we were together for 3 years... Aaaarrrrg! Shutting up NOW!

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