Friday, January 14, 2011

Single :( :( :(

The title says it all really... Well all but the reason.
I broke up with Nick Tuesday night/Wednesday morning ish. No, it wasn't because I've found somebody else (don't think that'll happen anytime soon) or I don't love him anymore (deffinitly not!) I don't remember what all I have posted on here about the drama of religion. He and I went to the same confermation classes when in middle school, so as a stupid young tenth grader, I thought that ment that we're both Christians and it'd be allright. Well he says he's a Christian, but he doesn't go to church that much because his parents don't. He said he was willing to go to church, but that was basically it. He didn't want to read the bible or talk to anybody to learn more about what he said he believed in. We've been arguing about this for months-- since summer really-- and even off and on before that, but I thought we could work it out if he was willing to try. He'd go to church with me when he was here, and he seemed to like it, but he wasn't willing to do more than that. I know this probably doesn't make any sense what soever, it's confusing me as I right, but I thought if he loved me enough he'd at least try to get closer to God. I need someone who will challenge me and walk with me in faith. I can't be the one that believes and he just goes along for the ride. We would have fought about it for the rest of our lives, and raising children would have been hard. I want someone I can discuss what God is doing or what they think he's doing in our lives and why and stuff like that. I never thought about it before, because my parents don't really seem to do that, but my faith is more important to me than that. Does this make any sense?
I hate it, because he was my BEST FRIEND! We talked every night, and texted throughout the day. It's only been 3 days and I'm going nuts wondering how he is and what he's doing. I want so badly to call him, but know it will only make things worse for us both right now. I want to talk to him and make sure he knows that I want to be with him and if he were willing to try (he says he doesn't have the drive to do so, which is a huge part of it I won't force him to change) it could work. Ok, maybe I shouldn't tell him all that... I'm so confused!
It sucks because I think of something and am like I wanna tell Nick but then I remember I can't. The headphones I'm using are from him for Christmas this year. It would have been four years on March 21st. I'm not crying. I don't think I can cry anymore. I'm just... numb? Sure. I can't make any more tears right now. He apparently got me a voice activated clock over last weekend. Guess I'm not getting that now, but I already have a couple even though one's at least 10 years old and showing it. OK seriously this is pathetic and I'm gonna stop with the pitty party because I can't go on doing this. I just needed to write some of it down. I miss him and it's only been 3 days! Is it possible to be friends with your ex's? I don't know. Anybody done it? Does it work? Help! :(

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Wow, Jenna. I am really sorry to hear about this. However it sounds like you did the right choice for youself. It will be hard at first, however as time passes it will get easier. I would suggest not really talking to him for a while as a friend, because it will bring back memories, make you sad, question what you did, then you will go even more crazy! Talk to God, remember he is always there. I am too of course. :) However like I said, it does sound like the best plan that you made for yourself. Take care.